I cannot find my penis.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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