Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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