I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
