Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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