She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
