I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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