google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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