Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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