When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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