And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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