im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
