Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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