I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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