i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
