That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
