my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
