It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
