Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
