Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
