true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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