Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My cat gives me a boner
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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