Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
