I'm going to jail i love you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
