This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
