bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
two words...techno handjob
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't deserve a penis
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
