Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
