I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Randomize
