That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
