i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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