Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
