in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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