if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
