Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
