Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
