It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
