Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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