Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just want nice things and good sex
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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