I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
