you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
