If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
