I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
