I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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