I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
