When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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