hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
