well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
