Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
