Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
