He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
