Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
