You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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