I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
