wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
