from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
