so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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