she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
