with your own penis?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
