I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
