you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
